The rules are simple; write a short story based off of the current theme. The story should be posted in one post, keeping with the shortness, or else the judges will be confused. Also, if you would like to make multiple entries, please note which you would like to have judged. Give all stories a title.
Winners of each round will choose a theme for the next.
In the distant future, the world is seperated apart from each other in a world war. Different nations fought bloody battles amongst each other in the conquest for world domination. But the country, Japan has invented a New breed of assasins, codenamed N.I.N.J.A. They were cyborg assasins designed to assasinate important enemy leaders to end the war without much effort.
However, there was a backdraw to this program, the cyborgs were controlled by an AI program called "Matsumoko" and could be infected by viruses. With sleeper agents, the Russians discovered this flaw and invented a computer virus to infect it. But the virus only caused the AI program to malfunction, instead of bringing it under the grasps of the Russians.
The AI program turned rouge, causing itself it manufacture a legion of N.I.N.J.As to attack innocent people worldwide. Thus, the world became invaded with cyborg assasins with no emotion and a cold hearted alglorithm designed to kill. Nations were wiped out of their people one by one in the battle of the cyborgs, none survived.
Years later, Planet Earth was devoid of human beings. As there were no more humans left to kill, the AI program then searched for other planets with life to obilerate them, then, the cyborgs created space travel by the alglorithm of Matsumoko and begin finding other planets to carry out the algloritm of Matsumoko, [bKILL]
I will, probably in the next few days I'll resubmit a better version. DV.....how about just "velo"? It rhymes with "Mellow"
Anyway... MusicMan and DeadlyVelociraptor shall judge
Cool.
Never have more than three judges. Sorry, but having to many will wreck the thread AND, they should prove they have quality writing and judging skills.
Any more than 3 would definitely lead to some problems......
The AI program turned rouge, causing itself it manufacture a legion of N.I.N.J.As to attack innocent people worldwide. Thus, the world became invaded with cyborg assasins with no emotion and a cold hearted alglorithm designed to kill. Nations were wiped out of their people one by one in the battle of the cyborgs, none survived.
Ohhhh, so you mean almost exaclty like the movies, "Terminator", right?
I'm sure you have heard of lots of epic stories. Some included princess and princes. Others include really intense battles between dark and evil. This one includes all of that...
And a ninja...
You heard me...
A ninja.
There is this princess, Princess Tonya Anjelica Trace. She is the daughter of the great King Luis Fredricks Trace.
One day, the Evil Knight of the Dark Forest went rampaging through the streets of the City of Light.
"O King Luis of The Light Domain!" he cried "Send out your greatest warrior! I will fight him and if he wins, I will never return again BUT if he loses, I will take your lovely daughter Princess Tonya!"
"And what if I refuse to agree to this battle?" the king cried.
"I'll continue rampaging through the streets and I will steal all of the young woman of The Light Domain," he spat back "The battle will begin in two days at the break of dawn!" With that, he wildly rode away.
No-one dared to challenge The Evil Knight Of The Dark Kingdom.
The night before the epic battle, the Counsel Of The Light Domain met to decide what to do. Right as they were going to give up, a brave young ninja stepped out from the shadows.
"Who are you?" the cried in fear.
"I," cried the shadow to the men "am a ninja which upon all of you depend. I have come to fight the Dark Knight of which all of you do fear. I am Salmion, Ninja and Freer."
After training all night, the ninja was waiting in the field when the Dark Knight arrived.
They had an epic battle. There was some back and forth battle but of course Salmion won.
As the Dark Knight lay defeat on the ground he asked "May I see the face of my defeater?"
Nobody could believe their eyes when the ninja pulled off the mask.
For it was not a ninja at all...
It was the lovely Princess Tonya Of The Light Domain.
Ashamed, The Dark Knight never returned back to the Light Domain again.
Planet Earth and other planets� Huh? Not developed well enough and I would like to see more precise locations or descriptions. No time period was mentioned at all either besides "the distant future", which is too vague to give the reader.
1/10
Plot:
I saw an idea; however, I didn't see a plot. There could have been a lot added on to this if you just elaborated and explained things better. You left your idea undeveloped and this resulted in little to no real plot.
0.5/10
Characterization:
The only characters were the robots and the reader wasn't even given any physical description of them, much less the aspects of development.
0/10
Grammar, punctuation, spelling, etc. :
This is where I disagree with DV. I saw numerous wording issues and poor word choice. I saw improper punctuation once or twice and misspelled words.
3/10
Concept:
It could have been a wonderful story if you had just elaborated upon your original idea some more. I hate to see such a great idea be wasted as such. As for this category of just the conceptâ¦.
8/10
Showing, not telling:
I read text. That text was dull and boring. It didn't elaborate upon the idea. I didn't get into it. There was no real scene for me to follow. (Get my drift yet?)
0/10
Overview:
Good idea, but poor execution. Remember to paint your sentences and make sure that everything "sounds right".
~2.08/10
I'll do the other ones later and DV don't judge mine yet I'm still working on resubmitting.
P.S. I like sarcasm (if you can't tell already) and I plan to be brutally honest in my reviews.
@MusicMan, Nice job, following my code. Keep on with the good work.
Thanks I thought your lay-out was short and sweet and I figured it would make the consistency strange if we judged on different fields. Just remember to not judge mine the better version will be done soon (hopefully).
I don't have time at the moment, but I'll get around to judging the other people's entries when I do. (I just picked Chrome's because it was on top of the page, no particular order to this).
Agreed, now, back on topic! Amazing system for judging, DV! I'm seriously considering handing this thread over to you. But I guess I'll manage it. For now.
