I am going to post the poems ant etc I make here. A critique and feedback would be appreciated! The first one: It It lurks in the shadows; Hides from the light. So evil it turns meadows Into nothing more than a horrible sight!
Dark and grim, Gruesome and deadly It is horrid and turns everything dim!
Children please, promise me, That thee do not go Outside alone! It will shred you to pieces, Eat your insides, Drink your blood, And feast on thy!
As It is dark and grim, Gruesome and deadly, Turns everything depressing and dim.
You have reached a crossroads, Have a choice to make, What will it be?
Choose wrong and the Last thing we may hear from you Is a blood curdling shriek that pierces the night!
So promise me children that thee Do not go outside alone. For It is lurking, and waiting for YOU!
My favorite is Betrayed because it's so powerfull and flows together so well. But the only stanza i didn't like is "I wake from my sleep And try hard not to make a peep."
My favorite is Betrayed because it's so powerfull and flows together so well.
Thank you very much
But the only stanza i didn't like is "I wake from my sleep And try hard not to make a peep."
I feel like this doesn't really fit in the poem.
There is a deep meaning into that first stanza... On a shallow view here you go: Someone "wakes up from a dream" to find the world hates him or her. They find that their beloved have betrayed them, they can't bear it... Now what could the stuff in the " mean? Not spoiling it >;O
[whisper] I think it's because of the thee [whisper]
They are heartbroken inside and wish the world away....
Anyways, I want to try something new: You guys supply me a theme, perhaps even the first line too, and I will create a poem with that theme (with/without the first line weather provided) I'll do the first suggestion and go from there!
Aww, I feel so loved @master Thanks I am great aren't I > @Tacky I knew it would :O @jeol Thanks a lot guys! I'm currently working on somethin special for you all! @starcutie haha thanks
I have been working on the second piece for a while, and now it too is here meet you. Very different from my previous poems, modeled after I America Singing, by Walt Whitman. It is in the form of extended metaphor all through out. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I Hear the Animal Kingdom I hear the Animals singing, varied voices indeed: Those of the Kings and Queens, each roaring bold and strong. The Jesters singing theirs laughing at the prey, eyes gleaming gold. The Workers singing theirs as they gather crumbs of food. The Knights singing theirs, armed to the skin, ready to serve. The Children singing theirs, flinging from vine to vine whilst yelling sounds of joy. The Wizards singing his painting stripes of power on his skin. The Giants singing theirs, munching the leaves of the trees. The warm, kindly song of a Mother and her Young trumpeting a soft, welcoming lullaby. I hear the Animals singing theirs with mouths open wide, their melodies chiming, forever interwoven.
