ForumsArt, Music, and Writing[req] LTD's writings

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LivingToDie
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LivingToDie
303 posts
Nomad

I'm the fire in your eyes
I'm the passion in your soul
I'm the burning in your mind
I'm the pain that has a role
I'm the star shining in the sky
I'm the clouds watching from up high
I'm the man who plays the part
I'm the demon watching from the start
I'm the lies that make up your life
I'm the man that brings your strife
I'm the stings that pull your arms to wrap around shadowy walls.


Alright, just created one of these for fun seeming as a lot of other people have them.
Feedback wanted.

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LivingToDie
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LivingToDie
303 posts
Nomad

The bird soars
Gliding high
As it explores
Looking for more.


Just something I did for First Line Poetry on the go.

LivingToDie
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LivingToDie
303 posts
Nomad

Alone in the night
Drunken, staggering around
Dizzy from alcohol
Falling to the ground

Crawling across the road
My body scratched
From the jagged stones
Trying to find a way home

Someones grabs my shoulder
Starts to brawl with me
Beaten up, he takes my money
I lie there lifelessly.


Feedback/criticism and such would be nice.

LivingToDie
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LivingToDie
303 posts
Nomad

I need to give these names..

We're controlled
I'm the fire in your eyes
I'm the passion in your soul
I'm the burning in your mind
I'm the pain that has a role
I'm the star shining in the sky
I'm the clouds watching from up high
I'm the man who plays the part
I'm the demon watching from the start
I'm the lies that make up your life
I'm the man that brings your strife
I'm the strings that pull your arms to wrap around shadowy walls.


Scarred
Alone in the night
Drunken, staggering around
Dizzy from alcohol
Falling to the ground

Crawling across the road
My body scratched
From the jagged stones
Trying to find a way home

Someones grabs my shoulder
Starts to brawl with me
Beaten up, he takes my money
I lie there lifelessly.


Nothing's a fact
The shape of our universe
Apparently, nobody knows
Some say it's round
Others say that's wrong

Everyone in the world
Relies on opinions
Nothing's ever a fact
Perhaps this is a dream

Nobody really knows anything
All our lives are on strings
Waiting on what other people do
We'll never make the first move.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Heyyy these are from the first line poetry thing! I wanted to do the same thing, but I figured no one would read them.
I like the first one somewhat, but the last one doesn't flow right for me. I don't really know. I'm not a professional poem reader or whatever.

LivingToDie
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LivingToDie
303 posts
Nomad

I figured no one would read them.

I'm sure they would, I definitely would.

but the last one doesn't flow right for me.


Yeah, I hate the last one as well.
I just wanted to post something to get the FLP topic going.
LivingToDie
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LivingToDie
303 posts
Nomad

The things we do
Deep in our dismayed hearts
Pain caused from the start
Sobbing to ourselves
Wanting to seem strong

The pain of our words
Ruining peoples minds
Forgetting what they've heard
They leave those thoughts behind

We betray our close friends
Speaking falsely of them
Their minds don't mend
Going out, with a bitter end.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I liked that one, except the last stanza wasnt as good as the first two.

SupaLegit
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SupaLegit
644 posts
Nomad

Actually, I think all three of those stanzas were superb. So meaningful in so few lines and worlds.
It is definitely the best poem you have posted yet! Keep up the awesome work!

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

Sorry if I'm too critical...

LivingToDie
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LivingToDie
303 posts
Nomad

Thanks for the comments guys!
Tacky, I don't mind if you're being critical.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I tend to criticize people a lot...It's terrible I know. Overall though, I do like your poems a lot.

LivingToDie
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LivingToDie
303 posts
Nomad

Losing to my mind
Craziness and insanity
Depressed and useless
Represent my personality
My life's truly a mess
Stressed from my thoughts
A battle with my mind
I sit there musing
Always end up losing.

TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I really liked that one. It flowed really well. Though it is sort of depressing...but I can't complain since I was the one who came up with the line.

LivingToDie
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LivingToDie
303 posts
Nomad

I can't complain since I was the one who came up with the line.


Yeah, you need to make happier lines, even though I'd still make the poem somewhat depressing, it's what I do.
Thanks though.
TackyCrazyTNT
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TackyCrazyTNT
1,936 posts
Peasant

I was hoping someone would turn it into something funny, somehow. :P

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