One more death then Nirvana then death more one more death More death then Nirvana then death more one more death then Death then Nirvana then death more one more death then Nirvana Then Nirvana then death more one more death then Nirvana Nirvana then death more one more death then Nirvana
A picture, poem, thought, and dementor all in one!
Famed for a fault Shamed surely of shaken shafts Blamed by blasphemous boasts Damed dearly with dastardly deeds Smashed souls see in sight Silver slits solely promising Happy, healthy lives After an abrupt Loving life layed into lie Anewstart A newstart A new start Thisis This is This is a new start.
Pandemic as it may seem The night sky still gleams After the team Was rejected and deemed Hopeless
What are lights That go bright In the night Do they fight Wielding kites With only slight Being as they plight Or they bite At all in sight With great spite
Just what are Lights?
I just moved some old work here. I didn't like the name of my previous thread, so I made a new one. Please make suggestions, because I love others' input, unlike most people. If you have works that you'd like to share place them here.
Oh boy, back to page, wait for it, 2!! Lol. Okay, well I just wanted you all to know that I've been working on a really, really good Apophysis creation teamed with ChaosPro. I've downloaded a new converter and I will start by making an Apophysis drawing and I'll fill in the cracks and blemishes with ChaosPro. Now, to make this post meaningful, I wanted to ask my followers this: is anyone interested in giving some recommendations for possible future works? This covers color, shapes, etc, etc. If no one replies, I'll go ahead on continue on with what I've been planning on doing (as seen in the past of this very post).
So. I've been seeing you around. Thought I would pay you a visit. I don't really know you but you are part of the AG adventure thing, you are good in my book.
Give me a page to start on and I'll see what I can critique from there.
Nice to see you here Moon! Yeah, I've decided to wander around outside my thread and into the wide world of AMW. I guess I've been told my poems on pages 1-5 were good, and people really seem to like my pictures, which are from about page 9 up to here. Critique what you wish!
Well holy cow. That Nirvana thing was awesome. I've never seen someone do that on here before.
Your second one, you start to resemble Dr. Seuss, but with a larger vocabulary and slightly depressing yet slightly hopeful outlook. I enjoyed reading it.
I absolutely adore the one about lights. That one is amazing. I'm a huge fan of rhyme, and your words might not make sense the first time around, seeing as you used them only to rhyme, but if you look again you can tie them all together, and that is something not everyone can do.
Den? I liked it, but... if the word den was clearer I think I would actually be able to give better feedback on it. When you say Den I think of a lions den or something like that.
This next piece.... This is haunting. Some parts ring true but then it starts to resemble hope then just crashes into Puritain thoughts.
Your circle of the universe seems to be held with understanding by your own mind, for I do not understand it except for the lines about populations.
Holy hell this next one is amazing. I really really really love this one, except when you say darker than doves, shouldn't it be, as dark as doves?
Your views on the soul and body are like my own, except on a more radical degree. You seem to know exactly what they are, while my idea of the soul and body is ever changing.
This is just the first post of my critiquing, I will post something like this for every page that contains poetry or thoughts. So be patient :P
The thing about the media is insanely true. Feels nice to have someone else realize that the world is fed through a huge evil monster...
The thing about God, I don't get why he just took his legs.... Explain this to me and then I will probably wind up laughing.
Your third one... This was... insane. It is what I imagine an insane person saying, anyways. It's good but now I'm rather afraid to be on your bad side.. xD
I'm not quite sure what to say about the poem that can be found on Murasaki's page.... Hope you don't mind this rather short and not very good critique. :P
The first post you did, when you say bumps from the cars it made the raw emotion in the entire thing go off a little bit. Don't use words to rhyme just because they do rhyme, if you are going to do an emotional poem like this you can NOT do that.
Your second one, it seems like you almost ended it with a haiku, if you wouldn'tve been off by a syllable. It was rather enjoyable till you ended it off so abrubtly, not saying it wasn't good, but cutting it of with Of Life, should've been where it ended.
This one about music I love, it started off a bit bumpy because the meter was off a bit, but it got into a nice smooth rhythm towards the end. Good job.
Yourselfyourselfyourself. It was a rebel for the grammar side of me, but it rang true. Great job on this one, I really like it even though yourself shouldn't be in a few of those lines.
I'm sorry but for this next one I have been to grammar-fied to understand it. D':
I can't say I loved this next one, it gets into some personal things with me so I can't really talk about it the way I want to. But one thing that in my opinion made it slightly off was when you sid flaming kites. I mean really, it does rhyme but do not use a kite, lol.
Ah this last one on page three, I wish you would've continued it. Maybe do a part two? I liked it but I wish it was longer.
Stage of life... All you must do is me you feed. That makes no sense to me at all. I can't distinguish what exactly the emotion is here, it ranges through a lot of things, so I will just leave this one alone.
I'm not exactly sure what to make of this other one. I don't know what a doff or troff is, so I think I'll be leaving this one alone as well, sorry.
Now this one. Why don't you say, I hope you want to die. Because you normally like things you can do over and over again, and dying is something you can't do over and over again.
Sorry again for this rather short critique/feedback thing, but my party will have to end here because I have to dash. I will be back to finish this up, more than likely tonight. Remind me on my page, okay?
Wow, Moon. You sure do know how to critique poetry. Lol. You definitely wrote a lot about my stuff, and I gotta say thanks! I'm happy that you liked it.
Your third one... This was... insane. It is what I imagine an insane person saying, anyways. It's good but now I'm rather afraid to be on your bad side.. xD
Haha! Don't worry, it takes a lot to get me mad. (That stupid tree just standing out there all day in MY sun.) Lol.
I absolutely adore the one about lights. That one is amazing. I'm a huge fan of rhyme, and your words might not make sense the first time around, seeing as you used them only to rhyme, but if you look again you can tie them all together, and that is something not everyone can do.
I didn't do that intentionally. I see what you mean though, and I'll definitely incorporate that into my later pieces. Good thing you noticed it because I never would've...
My stuff really fell apart after page 4. I mean, you can tell it just by looking at your comments. Plus, it isn't too hard to tell that when looking at it.
Sorry again for this rather short critique/feedback thing, but my party will have to end here because I have to dash. I will be back to finish this up, more than likely tonight. Remind me on my page, okay?
Don't worry, I can wait! Besides, you gave me some of the most in-depth critique I could hope for...So far...
Globs of gleam Look into my eyes I could never live a life Without these gleamers --------------------------------------------------- My greatest tool Silence is killer It's man's adversary Best for a bound life --------------------------------------------------- Definite Cliche (No that isn't the title. It's a joke.) Be strong, my great friend There is bright light at the end Don't be scared now. Help. --------------------------------------------------- Despair and Depression Bury all your hopes in me They're no help, pointless even Just give up your dreams ---------------------------------------------------
The new format is pretty nifty, huh? I know, I know, I said I'd start on my art. I can be flexible, can't I? Besides, it's 1:00 am here.
It didn't reeally fall apart as much as the emotion from it just.. left. I'm not finished with your thread yet, so stay tuned for more feedback from me
A quick rundown of what you have here, I'm slightly confused. It might be because all of my energy has been completely depleted, or your titles are confusing me.
Out of the lot I like the last one despair and depression. It connected with the reader the most.
Titles. The hardest part. Ah well, I can always go back and change 'em, or just make more. I think you've covered everything except the piece de resistance, from what people tell me, the pictures! I'm rather curious to see what you have to say.
oh no no no Im not going to sleep I will get this done, its on mah to do list see see see? it depends on the time though... it will probably be don't before 4 in the morning. Which is 5 ag time.
Fresh new title... Fresh new thoughts... Ah... Life is good. I'm going to start putting more work into this thread, y'know, like how it was in the beginning of my AMW, plus some Apophysis pictures sprinkled in the mixture. Time to take Moon's advice and replenish the emotion. Well, I might as well go ahead and explain the new title: Insaneous is described as being different, unique, or insane. Images just sounded nicely with it and images also represents more than pictures; thoughts also. Didja read all o' that?
Prototype I am naught but a slave to humanity's cruel desire for knowledge Why can't they just learn to mind their own business? Soon they'll find a power too great to behold Death they will find in their morning Noons Evenings Eternities Cursed by their greed for answers they take for granted Why? Why must I speak out? They'll soon learn anyways Waste of breath, could it be of this? Now I am a man Trapped in a lab Cursed for science Only a small sacrifice for mankind, you say But will that sacrifice bring you a mankind you don't want?
I'm coming back to this. Just watch. I know it doesn't make any (good) sense at the moment, that's intentional.
Why must you ninja me!? Anyways... Sounds good. I know there isn't a title change at the moment, we must wait. We surely share a common trait of staying up late, eh? I can't wait! I might be back to this later... Who knows?
