Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → [req]Matrix's Mind

I liked the Nonet. The only complaint is the rhythm. The meaning is really nice, but there isn't really a structure, a flow if you will. So for me it sort off feels like the ideas are jumping all over the place instead of following each other. I really did enjoy it though.

Thank you for your feedback on the Nonet, deathopper. The Nonet does have a meaning to it, I wrote it about someone.

I'll be posting a Haiku as soon as I can come up for a title for it.

Titles are overrated. As a matter of fact, I don't think the nonet needed one either as the emotions and the way you distort the poem to sorrow is clear.

Also I dislike having more than 1 line for a single sentence.

/pretendingtoknowwhatimtalkingaboutbutreallyjusttalkingcrapsoicouldmakenegativepoints

(:

Despair
This life, I hate it
Take me away, forever
Into the Nihil.

@Pazx:
I like having titles on some of the poems that I create, but on others I can't think of one. Yes, the emotions are clear. Eh, I saw it fit to not end the line with a full stop until I was done with that certain thought.

I'll also be using this thread for posting some drawings and stories that I might have. Anything related to art that I have on my mind, really.

Colors

Some random colors I put together in Doodle.

I'm not very good at drawing things, but there's something I did when I was bored.

Elements, essence
Suffused through reality
Perceptions receive.

Maybe you could combine a few of your works into a larger poem. These are so short, and the titles deal with very broad topics.

Maybe you could combine a few of your works into a larger poem.

These are so short, and the titles deal with very broad topics.

If I did that then the poem wouldn't make any sense.

I'll be posting Haikus, Tankas and Nonets.

I have much longer haikus there.

That's a different form.

mine are the EXACT SAME FORM. They're just extended.

Strife with a nation
The predicament surges
Departure from Earth.

Disruption of life
Quarrel within a nation
Rift in relations.

Dispute with commerce
The enterprise is impaired
Business is shattered.

No titles for those three haikus, the theme that I created them for was Rupture. I submitted the middle one then saved the other two.

Heya Matrix! I was wanting to critique a few of your poems, and since you asked....

I'm going to critique the last three poems you have all in one go, as they're all very similar.
I found that they sound all the same. Of course, in a haiku, the syllables are all the same, which makes them similar to an extent. However, these poems seem to have the same flow. Maybe have more than two lines for an idea; a phrase. Also, some haikus should be read as if it was one sentence. This can help with the flow and make it easier to read.

However, these poems are very good as they are. They fit the theme of 'rupture' very well. Your vocabulary also adds to the flow. I like these.

You made your haikus extended! Even if they weren't created to fit together, they definitely correlate. They backed each other up, a lot.