ForumsArt, Music, and WritingThe Hyper Hive

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Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
26,390 posts
Nomad

Hi...uhm, I'm kinda new to AG, but I thought that I would create a thread to share some of my writing with you guys(sadly, if I shared my art here, I would eventually end up in a lawsuit with a weeping family and something about suicide). But really, the reason why I would post what I've written, is that my stories and poems would really benefit from some constructive criticism. And frankly, there's only so much criticism(constructive or otherwise) that you can get from your teacher without wanting to punch them in the face, yeah? So I thought it'd be better if I got some help from people that are....how to put this...closer to my level.

So, to kick things off, I'll post a poem in the OP, so you peeps can get a feel for my writing style.

They stare across it, eyes glazed
As their homes are quickly razed
They see without seeing, shellshocked
They are embraced by hell's deadlock...

Shoot a gun, and they respond
Kill but one, or stray beyond
And war, soon it will come for you
As it has, and always will, do

Action, reaction, pay the price
Trapped in warfare's deadly vice
One wrong word, peace is shattered
As if they cared, as if it mattered

Air strikes; paint the windows black!
And all the sidewalks red with blood
Now, there is no going back
You have begun the flood

Now the sky turns crimson red
And grey ashes start to fall
It seems that we have been mislead
And that it will end us all

  • 75 Replies
wakabakawaka
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wakabakawaka
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Nomad

Very very good my friend I love reading good poetry! It flows very well and your choice of vocab is astounding. Keep it up!

Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
26,390 posts
Nomad

Very very good my friend I love reading good poetry! It flows very well and your choice of vocab is astounding. Keep it up!

Why, thank you very much!

Here's a simple little Fall haiku I wrote to tide ya'll over.

New beauties surround us
Can they withstand coming storms?
Trees fall, friendships break
jezz
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jezz
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Farmer

Sorry Hyper, it's not a haiku because the first line has six syllables...

I like the revised version of your poem, you sure are good at writing poems.

Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
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Nomad

Oops, I put in the us when I was thinking about it. Wrong word. =(

New beauties surround
Can they withstand coming storms?
Trees fall, friendships break

I'm okay at haikus normally, but I never can manage to achieve the complexity and metaphor that the master Japanese haiku poets could get.

I like the revised version of your poem, you sure are good at writing poems.

Vy, tank you very much.
That was no typo, it was intentional. I don't know why I did it.
Anyway, me personally, I think that my last stanza on the revised poem is the best. I just love it when I use words that a lot of adults I know wouldn't understand, like reciprocate, and make em fit in a poem. Flaunting my vocabulary is so much fun =P.
jezz
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jezz
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Farmer

Most adults you know don't know the meaning of the word reciprocate? ... O___o

Haiku is betar nao.

Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
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Nomad

Most adults you know don't know the meaning of the word reciprocate? ... O___o

Most of my family does, but what can I say? I'll tell you what I can say; hippies.

Good, I iz glad.
Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
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Nomad

I live forever in poverty
A martyr to political corruption
My innocence has entombed me
My nightmare follows, destruction

I'm now disillusioned
A light in the dark, hero among evil
I will lead the revolution
My inner strength stems from self-completion

No one will believe my words
They say that I'm two-faced
They say I live to watch the world burn
They cause my guilt and self-hatred

I'll put it simply; genius sucks
I have just one wish, one dream
I want to be a forgettable name
I want to be ordinary me

I remember the orange leaves falling in autumn
But the picture is broken and shattered
The beautiful sunset, wiped from my memory
And now it doesn't matter

Now I sit and daydream
As the rising tides approach
From my birth on to my death
I've tried to show them the way
It's like describing color to someone blind
They just can't grasp what I say

I'm home alone, thinking of my past
Of Christmases, Halloweens, my first new school
As old age wipes it clean fast
I've had some near-death experiences
But I have escaped from them all
And yet now I don't want "near-death"
For I am ready to fall

I fall into the abyss of senility
And soon I've forgotten what I was
Like a shy person in a crowd
All I can think to say is "huh"?

I send my unrequited love to you
But my death approaches like a kraken
I just want you to know what I'm going through
So you can understand what's happened

I was an entity that showed itself
I was very misunderstood
It seemed I lived in the fifth dimension
I should not have been so curious
Perhaps should have just stayed dumb
But now I am a genius
And now I'm simply numb

A creation from the mind of a villain
Who lives to see the world burn
Is not always such a bad thing
Or so, I hope and yearn

For that is who I am
An outcast, villain, genius all
The shining aurora in something dull
But for now, my mind is null
Trial and error? Not for me
I have never been wrong in eternity

A little something for the girls
And something for the boys...
Just go bat**** crazy, like berserk wildlife
And live, live your life
As long as you can
And don't end up a sad old man
Like me

There is a deep question being asked throughout this poem as you find out more about this man...it would make me happy if one of you could tell me what story you think this poem is trying to tell. =D

Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
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Nomad

Minor Revival Spell; Go!!

Have you ever heard of Highway 191? Probably not, but I have. Let me explain. It runs through Montana, Utah, Arizona, Wyoming, and it's one of the longest 3-digit roads in the country. It was originally constructed in the mid 1920's, and ran primarily in Idaho. It's changed a lot since then. One way it's changed that you've probably already figured out is its location. Another way that you may not have realized that Highway 191 was originally Highway 666...the Devil's Road. Its name was changed primarily for a few reasons; one, it was creeping people out, two, punks kept stealing the road signs, and three, it's Utah. What do you expect?

"I don't believe you," the detective yelled at me. "I think that you did have something to do with Mr. Young's disappearance."
"I swear, I didn't!" I yelled back, tears in my eyes. "He was my friend. Don't you think I've been through enough?"
"Where's your proof?" the detective demanded.
"I don't really have any," I whispered.
"Well then, you're guilty," the detective bluffed. Sniffling pitifully, I handed him the letters.
"Read this correspondence," I said, "It's all I can give you." I handed him the letters.

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October 24, 2004
Dear Mom,
My sincerest apologies go to you as I was unable to visit your house for the Fourth of July as we had originally planned. However, I promise to you that I will be there for Halloween, and will stay for Thanksgiving as well. Earlier today I set off for your home in Monticello, with Will and Joe, two of my college buddies from BYU who also have relatives in southern Utah. Will, Joe, and I have just bought three rooms at a cozy little family-run hotel off SR 30, and we're about to get some dinner, so this letter will be short. I've just left Brigham City(I have an apartment there, as I was unable to afford a dorm at BYU) and am driving south, to the more scenic parts of the state. The road's pretty barren, but we put on some rockin' music and it was great! Will, Joe, and I fought over the wheel for a while but after that we got along fine. When it started to get dark, we pulled off SR 30 and found this hotel, run by a father, his wife, and their four kids. I will update you next week via letter, as promised, but at the moment there's dinner to be eaten and sleep to be slept!

Your son,
Mark

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October 25, 2004
Dear Mom,
I woke up at approximately 3:00 am, and I could have sworn I heard some kind of tapping noises while I was trying to sleep last night, I stayed up well past midnight unable to rest. When I woke up early this morning, I heard the tapping noises again, however last night they seemed to get incrementally louder, whereas this morning they seemed to be fading away. I was exhausted and sleep-deprived but Will and Joe seemed fine, so I decided not to say anything. I guess it's just that this road seems a bit barren, even frightening. I'm certainly not used to the weather! When we went downstairs to pay our bill to the hosts, they were all gone; the mother, the father, and the children. We scratched our heads at that, but weren't too concerned; after all, they had spoken to us last night about going north, to the mall in West Valley City this morning, and being that West Valley is far away from here they would've had to have woken up early to get there before rush hour so they could be back soon. Anyway, we left our payment on the counter then continued on our way. The rest of the day passed fairly uneventfully, we simply drove as usual. We were unable to find a hotel tonight, but Joe's truck has a camper so we rolled out some old sleeping bags Will brought and slept that way. Tonight I've discovered something; I hate being out in the middle of nowhere. It's so quiet, so dark, so lonely. I don't know how you stand it.

Your son,
Mark

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October 27, 2004
Dear Mom,
Last night the tapping continued, to the point that I did not sleep one bit. I woke up this morning bleary-eyed and exhausted, and as a result Joe is driving right now instead of me, and I'm writing my letter as he drives in the car. I'll describe what we see pass us by as we pass it; I see the Wasatch Mountains and Soldier Summit, and it's beautiful. The leaves have all finished turning a variety of red, orange, and gold, and the sight of the snow-capped mountains peeking out behind the golden hills is truly breathtaking. I wish you were here to see it! Anyway, I expect to be with you by the 27th, at the latest. We have been driving along at a respectable pace for the last few days, but we won't be able to keep it up. We're giving the summit roads a fair amount of respect, after all, cruising along at a snail's pace of forty miles per hour. We plan to stop in Provo for gas and whatnot today, but will be back on the road by no later than 6:00 pm. Please excuse the shortness of this letter, but as you have already learned I am exhausted at the moment, so I'm going to clamber out of the cab and into the camper, and catch up on my sleep.

Your son,
Mark

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October 28, 2004
Dear Mom,
Darn it all! I am sorry Mom, but I'm afraid I might be a bit late to reach you. While I was asleep, Joe and Will decided they were bored, apparently, and Joe started driving faster, speeding even. He rammed into the guardrail and totaled his truck. Luckily, the Utah State Patrol found us and saved us. I was asleep at the time, like I said, but here's how the highway patrolman said it happened; Joe was going at extreme speeds and smashed into the guardrail with extreme velocity, totaling the truck and ripping the guardrail away. We fell straight into Soldier Summit and rolled all the way down to the bottom, at which point, due to all the screaming and jostling, I woke up, however my legs were pinned down and I couldn't move. However, a highway patrolman had been nearby and had seen the crash. He radioed in for an ambulance and reinforcements, then dragged Joe and I out of the truck. We were taken via ambulance to the emergency room in Helper, but there's bad news. Will died in the crash, and Joe is in a wheelchair-the doctors say indefinitely-however I've escaped with no more than a broken rib and fractured patella(that's the kneecap). The highway patrolman that saved me and the doctors all agree that if I had been in the cab with them, I would have died and gone to Heaven, but because I was in the back, I survived. I thank God for His mercy upon my life, and I swear that I will still make it to see you by Halloween as promised. Surely this is a sign that God wants me to see you, because obviously if I'd died in that crash, our plans would be ruined.

Your son,
Mark
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"You see?" I told the detective. "There's your proof."
"Wait..." he said, fumbling through his pockets. "Letters! Letters to the mother...we found those on the body." Now it was the detective's turn to pull out some letters and hand them to me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

October 30, 2004
Dear Mom,
Now I am so utterly alone. Without Will and Joe, there is no one to go South with me, and I almost wish I could turn back, but I've promised you I will visit by Halloween, and I will keep my promise. In the last two days, I've hitchhiked from Price down south to Moab, and I should be to Monticello just in time. I know how you disapprove of hitchhiking, Mom, but better to hitchhike and keep a promise than to not and break that promise. I apologize for my lack of a letter yesterday, I know I said I'd write every day, but I was so exhausted and in so much pain that I could not. I am sorry, however I am making up for that today. When I was little and Dad died, you told me something. You told me to look at the bright side, not the dark, and so that's what I will do. I'll look at the bright side. The bright side of this is, even though one of my friends is dead and one is a paraplegic, the tapping noises have stopped. Last night, even though I did not sleep, my waking moments in the darkness were not haunted by some paranormal tapping sound.

Your son,
Mark

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October 31, 2004
Dear Mom,
I have reached Monticello at last! I don't even know why I'm writing you a letter today, but I am. Happy Halloween, Mom. I've braved the Devil's Road to be here for you on the Devil's Day, and so much has happened to me on the way. All I can say is that I will look at the bright side now.
I will be with you.

Your son,
Mark
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"I didn't know he kept going..." I said, amazed. "I mean, I know Mark really wanted to be there for his mom on Halloween...but dang." The detective started to walk away, and I followed in my electric wheelchair.
"I think you've been cleared as a suspect, Joseph," the detective told me, sitting down at a computer console and typing rapidly. "But something isn't right about those letters."
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean look," the detective told me, pointing at his computer. He'd pulled up some kind of file; the coroner's file. I examined it.
Anne Marie Young
Occupation: Retired.
Family: Widow, mother of one.
Date of Death: October 31, 1999
Cause of Death: Drowning due to Negligent Homicide. Mrs. Young was driving to Provo when her car was hit by a cement truck working on Highway 666. Young's car spun out of control, smashed through a guardrail, and fell into the Colorado River. She was stunned from the initial impact and thus incapacitated and unable to escape the sinking vehicle, she drowned. Driver of the cement truck admitted to intoxication at time of crash, further inquiry on the part of coroner and police department is requested.
Other Notes: Was driving to Provo to visit her son, Marcus B. Young, for Halloween at the time of the accident.

BlackVortex
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BlackVortex
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Nomad

All this stuff is really well written Hyper, I mean I don't know what is good and not, but it seems great to me..
I'm terrible at writing, I have the attention span of a goldfish, so I won't attempt it, just wanted to compliment

Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
26,390 posts
Nomad

Why thank you Black.
Yanno, I always thought goldfish had rather long attention spans...you've got to, when all you've got to stare at is the cat pawing at the bowl(lol).

There once was a kingdom far away
Where there was a dragon that couldn't be slain
All the king's soldiers and all of the knights
Tried, but they could not win the fight

One day, the Dragon came by.
And he looked at the King with a glint in his eye
"O King, why must you hurt me so?
I never hurt you, you know!"

"But you are a dragon," protested the king
"A vile, ugly, despicable thing!"
At this, the dragon was rightly enraged
And thus he set the whole kingdom ablaze

He flew up the castle and stole the princess
All whilst muttering "Despicable this!"
He escaped, leaving the kingdom to burn
Now for revenge, did the King yearn

He called upon every knight in the land
And every squire, and knight's good man
He called upon all of them, each one by one
Though each fought the dragon, none of them won

At last, there was one final knight
His sword was sharp and his eyes showed no fright
"O Knight," said the King, "have you come here to fight?"
"I shall save save the princess," answered the Knight

"And I swear this on my honor!
I shall break the curse upon her."
"Sir Knight," the King said, "there is no curse..."
Still, do this and you will be reimbursed."
Hearing his words, the Knight promptly left
To get on his "horse"(of which he was bereft)
He simply used coconuts to make clopping sounds
And yet he was the most skilled Knight around

The Dragon had a tower, where the princess was held
And the Knight did imagine it as living hell
So he went clippity clop with his coconuts
At first he did run, then walk, then strut

The Knight finally reached the tower
The Gatekeeper there then gave him a glower
"You have not yet paid my toll."
The Knight thus tossed him a pouch full of gold

The Gatekeeper took the gold with glee
"Now you must open this gate for me."
The Gatekeeper did as the Knight commanded
Before he was harshly reprimanded

The Knight could scarcely believe his eyes
Before him was not a hell of brimstone and fire
It was a palace, a medieval Park Hyatt
So for a while he just stared, standing there by it

He went to save the Damsel in Distress
He found her there, clad in a white flowing dress
"Princess!" he called, "I have come to save thee!"
"Me?" said the Princess. "But I am in need of no saving."

"What?" said the Knight, flabbergasted.
"Indeed," said the Princess, "The Dragon's lambasted.
At first he was nice, and he has a cool pad.
But I dunno, he just seemed a bit mad."

"So I requested to leave but he only denied.
And then he started to whimper and cry.
Finally, I just got sick of all this fa-foo.
So I knocked him out with my black belt Kung-Fu."

Rofl.
Disclaimer: Thesaurus was not used in the above poem.
Anyone who gets the references will receive internet cookie!

Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
26,390 posts
Nomad

Major revival.

Today the gentle autumn breeze
Carries with it a cursed disease
As golden leaves fall to the ground
An epidemic soon surrounds

Today the wind brings icy drafts
Silencing all the childrens' laughs
The winds awake a sleeping beast
Doctor visits will soon increase

Today the winds bring fall's descent
They spread winter through its ascent
Winter brings a deadly illness
Calling forth the darkest stillness

Coughing, sneezing, and lying in bed
Headaches and migraines wrack their heads
Not one child attends school today
This is what wind has brought their way

Today the winds are ill-aligned
To disease, humans have resigned
The children wearing layers of clothes
'Else they get the dread runny nose

"Do not go out!" the mothers warn
"There is to be a big snowstorm!"
I wish I'd done as I was told
Too late, I've caught the common cold

Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
26,390 posts
Nomad

Ack dang, I feel guilty about this necro now, but it has to be done.

This is an introduction to my new series...

http://www.omgmod.org/wiki/images/5/51/Nazi.jpg

A hush fell upon the room as the sound of jackboots clacking against the linoleum floor became audible. The young police officers glanced nervously at one another as the sound of footsteps became louder. Even the chief of police seemed disquieted. Suddenly, three sharp knocks sounded on the thick oak door to the room; RAP, RAP, RAP. There was a silent battle fought between several of the officers closest to the door, finally ending when a brash young policeman walked forward boldly and pulled open the door, then he quickly stepped back as the visitor entered the room. The visitor was tall, clad in a crisp jet-black coat and leggings, with spit shined knee-high onyx boots, a formal bleached shirt, and charcoal tie. Upon his head was a solid ebony peaked cap, his eyes were concealed by black sunglasses, snug around his upper arm was a red armband with a stylized "G". His chest gleamed with medals and ribbons; buttons, buckles, and insignias glinted upon his torso. Every officer in the room stared, enraptured, as the visitor removed his sunglasses with a brisk flourish and held them in his right hand stiffly at his side. His icy blue eyes surveyed the room with the cold, officious glare of a raptor observing its prey. After a few moments of utter silence, the visitor strode forward and directed a question to the room at large;
"Where is the one who has defiled the English language with their incorrect grammar?"

Cinna
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Cinna
753 posts
Nomad

The last verse of your first poem is my favorite. Keep up the good work!

Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
26,390 posts
Nomad

The last verse of your first poem is my favorite. Keep up the good work!

Thanks!
And I get your name ref; I've read the Hunger Games, and I have to say, Cinna is one of my favorite characters.

http://www.omgmod.org/wiki/images/5/51/Nazi.jpg
Prologue

Let me ask you something; what is the one thing that makes civilization possible, that aids in everything we do, that without we would have next to nothing? Some might say electricity, but of course if we were to lose our electricity suddenly we would be able to get it back fairly quickly. Some might say our houses, but we could replace them, some might say cars, but we could once again make them, in short, everything that humanity has ever created could be recreated. We might have some difficulties getting back on our feet afterward, but all in all no significant impact would be made, because of course we already have the knowledge of how to make those things. And thanks to what? Thanks to the passing down of knowledge from history, the passing down of everything that we now know. And how is this passing on of knowledge made possible? Why, by language of course. And this brings us to the point; language. Language is, in the opinion of the Grammar Authoritarian Regime, the single greatest invention of mankind. And yet, even though we have this great and amazing thing, some people misuse it. Just as we have idiots sticking forks in electrical sockets, just as we have idiots using the theory of nuclear power to blow up cities, we have idiots who misuse grammar. And eventually, when everyone is using double negatives, confusing their possessive apostrophes with their contraction apostrophes, something will go wrong. Eventually, language as we know it will change if mankind continues on its current grammatical course. And this is where the G.A.R. comes in.
The G.A.R., or Grammar Authoritarian Regime, is the international organization responsible for ascertaining that everyone uses proper grammar, all the time. Members of the G.A.R. are always working all around the globe, from Sidney to Mozambique, from New York to Moscow, from London to Beijing, trying to maintain and restore proper grammar. Hundreds of different people, of different ages, ethnic groups, religions and genders are united under one common banner; love of proper and clear grammar. Nowadays the G.A.R. is split into two different groups; Grammar Nazis, and Grammar Police. The Grammar Nazis are the ones acting on a more constant and international scale; a member of the Grammar Nazi division of the G.A.R. will go all around the world taking on the biggest grammar misuse cases and cracking down on the toughest abusers of the language. On the other hand, the Grammar Police are more of a standardized local division. They are assigned to a single place and stay there, regulating the locals' grammar as necessary. The Grammar Police will handle most cases, but in the worst, most difficult, and international cases, the Grammar Nazis will take the case. The G.A.R. is responsible for all grammar, from poetry, to tenses, to punctuation, to sentence structure...you get the idea. Most of the time, improper grammar will get you a prison term, fine, or whatever is deemed fitting for the case by the courts. Grammar was safe, protected by the G.A.R.Or, at least that's how it used to be. But ever since the invention of the internet, the G.A.R. has found itself wider and wider spread, and its job more and more difficult. Capital punishment became a standard punishment for misuse of grammar on a forum. And this is how you see the world as it is today...the grammar is ruined, the internet is taking over, and now the future of the English language rests upon the shoulders of an unlucky few. I can only hope that they are up to the challenge.

In Language We Trust,
Colonel Sean McIlhilerty, Commanding Officer, 1121st Punctuation Corps, Grammar Nazi Division, Grammar Authoritarian Regime.


Rofl.
Hypermnestra
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Hypermnestra
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Nomad

And so, the thread falls into disuse and decay. Dust collects upon its forsaken and long-forgotten comments section as the creator once more pulls it from its place of refuge and revives it.

A hush fell upon the room as the sound of jackboots clacking against the linoleum floor became audible. The young police officers glanced nervously at one another as the sound of footsteps became louder. Even the chief of police seemed disquieted. Suddenly, three sharp knocks sounded on the thick oak door to the room; RAP, RAP, RAP. There was a silent battle fought between several of the officers closest to the door, finally ending when a brash young policeman walked forward boldly and pulled open the door, then he quickly stepped back as the visitor entered the room. The visitor was tall, clad in a crisp jet-black coat and leggings, with spit shined knee-high onyx boots, a formal bleached shirt, and charcoal tie. Upon his head was a solid ebony peaked cap, his eyes were concealed by black sunglasses, snug around his upper arm was a red armband with a stylized "G". His chest gleamed with medals and ribbons; buttons, buckles, and insignias glinted upon his torso. Every officer in the room stared, enraptured, as the visitor removed his sunglasses with a brisk flourish and held them in his right hand stiffly at his side. His icy blue eyes surveyed the room with the cold, officious glare of a raptor observing its prey. After a few moments of utter silence, the visitor strode forward and directed a question to the room at large;
"Where is the one who has defiled the English language with their incorrect grammar?" Again, there was silence as the police officers in the room mustered up their courage. Finally, the chief of police, a tall, burly man in his late thirties, stepped up to the visitor.
"Who are you talking about?" the police chief asked. His voice held no trace of a tremor or stutter, but as skillfully as his fear was hidden linguistically, it always showed itself in the eyes. This fact was not missed by the visitor.
"I am sure you know what I mean, Herr," the visitor responded coolly. "If you of the police were forced to call in the Grammar Nazis to subdue this threat, surely said threat must be quite infamous?"
"What do you mean?" the chief of police queried.
"I mean to say that you must know the person of whom I speak," the visitor replied, "and therefore anything you say denying that fact is a lie. Now tell me..." the visitor trailed off for a moment. His voice became quieter, and without realizing it everyone in the room leaned in closer to hear. The visitor himself leaned in closer to the chief, until the visitor could smell the revolting mixture of alcohol and cigarettes upon the police chief's breath. "where Mr. Camden Golaio is!" At the end of this statement, the visitor slammed his right hand against the chief's desk with a BANG! The chief jumped back, his eyes wide, as the rest of the room watched in horror.
"Golaio?" the chief repeated. "Surely you can't be serious...surely this must be a joke..." To supplement this fruitless statement, the chief gave an unenthusiastic chuckle, to which the visitor did not respond, except to narrow his eyes even further.
"I assure you, Herr Polizist, this is no joke," the visitor answered. His voice showed no emotion, the same way a fault line can show no signs of danger right before an earthquake. "Now, I asked a question, and I expect an answer."
"But Golaio has done nothing wrong," protested the chief of police weakly.
"Oh, he has done nothing wrong?" repeated the visitor mockingly. "I must be wrong then, surely! Surely it must be because the overwhelming evidence I have against Golaio is completely wrong, and you are right, Herr Polizist! It must be that I have flown all the way out here from Munich for nothing!" The visitor laughed, convincingly and heartily, and the police tentatively and slowly joined in. Then, the visitor procured a folder from his greatcoat and threw it in the chief's face. Once again, papers fluttered around chaotically. "There!" the visitor practically screamed. "There is my evidence! Camden Golaio is guilty of at least ten counts of incorrect capitalization use in a public online forum, abuse of a Merriam-Webster's Dictionary, abuse of a thesaurus, fifteen counts of incorrect punctuation, and to top it all off, twenty-four counts of incorrect homonym use in written language and online forums! He has been on the run from the grammar authorities for well over a month now! I was brought in all the way from Munich to this piece of garbage to justice. Now, I will find this man!"
"Who are you?" demanded the chief, shakily getting back to his feet. The visitor drew himself up proudly.
"My name is Hauptmann Karl Richthofen," the visitor answered haughtily. "Commanding officer of the 551st Common Misconceptions Platoon, Grammar Nazi Division, Grammar Authoritarian Regime."
"You're a Grammar Nazi?" repeated the police chief in a state of shock.
"Yes I am, Herr Polizist," Captain Richthofen replied. The temperature in the room seemed to drop ten degrees with this knowledge. "And I would know where Camden Golaio is hiding."
"I honestly don't know," the police chief rejoined, his hands shaking. "But h-he has an older sister, Eden. I can tell you where she is, and surely she can tell you where he is."
"Thank you, Herr Polizist," Captain Richthofen graciously. He picked up the folder he had thrown and carefully reordered it. Then, he tucked it back into his ebony greatcoat and went to stand, statuesque, in the corner. "Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?"
"N-no sir," the chief of police whispered.

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