Unlike some writers and poets I can never grab on to any recurring theme, so you will find my works to be all over the place. Some ideas of what is to come:
Disturbance.
I am the mountain,the solid rock, the earth; I am impenetrable, a fortress; a god, I am blank, unemotional,my will implacable. no sight nor touch nor memory;I am alone.
Then it came; no, she came, She was stirring,beauty, emotion, happinessfreedomexcitement and disturbing all at once! She was an idea, a message that rushed right through me, The idea that,life was possible that I, beast of solitude could could have something I dared not think about, that I could fulfill my life with one cliched word:love.
Am now peaceful as i lay dying, the lover long dead; knowing I soon follow, staring at the long part between birth and death I impart to you,dear human:contentment is the greatest thing to achieve. That was one of my first attempts at writing that sort of work. The different styles are on purpose, if your wondering.
Hope for the future For the moment people like us simply have to continue living. Speaking about such despair shall bring nothing. But the knowledge that, if you could change one persons life for the better by spreading common sense,logic and wisdom could change your perception of this flawed,imperfect world for a long time.
I believe that all people have potential, and that it's the job of clever people to influence and shape it. I was once depressed at the pointlessness of man, but then I realizedersevere in life. Endure, who knows? it might be fun.
Contradiction Acrostic
I llogical
L oneley O ld V ile E ntrapment
Y uck O utrage U needed
AG3
A mbitious R iveting M edieval O n-going R oaring
G erbil A rousing M astery E lysian S uperabundance
3 ...ee
The Efan adventures in limerick style (more to come)
An Efan fell out a plane, his life going down the drain, he took a look down, saw the whole town, and found himself in pain.
An efan once went splat, scaring a poor rat, the rat flew high, afraid it might die, and flew into the arms of a cat.
Please post what you think and your ideas for improvements.
"Never underestimate a writers need for your opinion"
I saw V like three years ago and I watched every moment of it. I thought it was the most gory movie I've ever seen. Of course, it was like three years ago, so it probably wouldn't seem so violent now.
I am the mountain,the solid rock, the earth; I am impenetrable, a fortress; a god, I am blank, unemotional,my will implacable. no sight nor touch nor memory;I am alone.
Then it came; no, she came, She was stirring,beauty, emotion; She was an idea, a message that rushed right through me, The idea that,life was possible; that I, beast of solitude could could have something I dared not think about, that I could fulfill my life with one cliched word:love.
I am now peaceful as I lay dying, the lover long dead; knowing I soon follow, staring at the long part between birth and death I impart to you,dear human:contentment is the greatest thing to achieve.
Ok, so I decided to critique one. This one, my favorite of all your poems.
The thing I was looking for in this one was mechanical errors. Punctuation was a big one. You sometimes had a comma where there should have been a period, etc. Your spelling was fine. Spacing after punctuation was a pretty prominent mistake as well.
Ok, got that over with.
I really liked the idea. A lot. In the first stanza, the metaphors are very cool and gave me a clear idea of the feelings of the narrator. In the second stanza, you show the reader this savior that gave the narrator a feeling that he had tried to stay away from, but gives in and feels true contentment with. The final stanza is a great conclusion to the poem. It shows that the narrator is finally untroubled and is satisfied with his life, and ready to move on. I did have one major concern that didn't have to do with grammar. Why did you name it "Disturbance"? I know that in your first draft you mentioned the word "disturbing," but you didn't stick very well with the title, and it seems kind of strange to have that title if it doesn't work very well with the poem. Anyway, I thought this poem was very, very good. The idea was absolutely amazing. It was able to show its intensity very well in it's free-verse style. _____________
Ok, this is what I was trying to get at. Your rhyming and metered poems are great, but they aren't deep. It's difficult to pass on a serious message when it's so strictly written. If you go off-syllable and just let it out, that's when people are going to take your poem seriously.
Most of the time, anyway.
But I think I've made my point well enough. Any poet's writing style will be their own.
I named it so because the character thought he was impenetrable etc (first stanza), but the new being (his savior) was a disturbance to what he was. I'd actually like to perfect this poem :/
If you go off-syllable and just let it out, that's when people are going to take your poem seriously.
I'll come back later when I have some time to think that one out.
Seeing Faunbard's comment after my critique is kinda funny.
I named it so because the character thought he was impenetrable etc (first stanza), but the new being (his savior) was a disturbance to what he was. I'd actually like to perfect this poem :/
Oh, I get it. I actually thought the poem was really great, just needed a new title, since Disturbance didn't really fit. _________________
I think it's time for another one, Efan. I've worn out all the other subjects I'd like to talk about.
You don't give a ****. Least of all me. I hate the world; and **** it, I say. **** it. I know you don't care, you told me your self. I thought- COULDN'T YOU JUST PRETEND TO CARE YOU *******!? I tried so, so hard to win your respect and love but all I got-... Who honestly cares? By the time you read this i'll be gone. My entrails splattered all over the tiles, gore dripping down the walls.
Because of you.
They say words can never hurt you but I know the people who think and say things like that. People like you.
You say such things to reconcile yourself with the fact that the words you speak, those cruel, cruel words are not destroying those that care so blindly: "I hate you". "You are not my son". "Get out".....
Happy mothers day *****.
*note: All characters/scenarios portrayed in said writing are fictitious and whatever the reader's interpretation of above work is up to them.
True. But have you heard about those, uh. Wait I can't remember the name so i'll call them super genius' There is around twenty on the planet apparently, and some of them lead happy successful lives.
You don't give a ****. Least of all about me. I hate the world; and **** it, I say. **** it. I know you don't care, you told me your self. I thought- COULDN'T YOU JUST PRETEND TO CARE YOU *******!? I tried so, so hard to win your respect and love but all I got-... Who honestly cares? By the time you read this i'll be gone. My entrails splattered all over the tiles, gore dripping down the walls.
Because of you.
They say words can never hurt you but I know the people who think and say things like that. People like you.
You say such things to reconcile yourself with the fact that the words you speak, those cruel, cruel words are not destroying those that care so blindly: "I hate you". "You are not my son". "Get out".....
Merry Christmas *****.
That note. I honestly don't care whether whether it's read or not. Standing up here, on the edge of death. To be, or not to be. I don't believe in heaven anymore but I know why some people would. It's their way of consoling themselves into blissful, stupid ignorance before the bitter end. The wind rushes through my hair, the rain pelts my face. Such bleak weather. I'm glad to leave this.
But why have I not done it yet?
It's so easy. All I have to do is take one step and drop. Is it the survival instinct? but if my body has the need for survival then why do I do this? Screw that. i'm going to do it. I feel like a small child alone pushed to the front of the line of a terrifying roller-coaster. Do I run back to safety? Or do I prove to my parents or friends that i'm brave enough?
I take a step forwards. I look up at the sky. And I- wait. What?! WHY AM I DOING THIS?! I don't know?! If life is so meaningless then why can I not confront my problems without quaking with fear? I have no love nor respect from my family and vice versa, so would they really care about what they would interpret as a cry for attention?
For the moment I simply have to continue living. Believing in such despair shall bring nothing. But the knowledge that, if I could change one persons life for the better by spreading common sense,logic and wisdom could change my perception of this flawed,imperfect world for a long time.
I realize now that all people have potential, and that it's the job of clever people to influence and shape it. I was once depressed at the pointlessness of humanity, but then I realized: persevere in life. Endure, who knows? it might be fun.
Religion (I feel) is a corporation, a business of sorts. Each one is desperately trying to convince you into purchasing their product or believing that their products work the best. Each business (religion) is competing to out do the other and even resort to private wars to prove mastery over the world because their products (beliefs) are the best choice and will improve the buyers life. They pay people to advertise and speak to the public about their product and can go through great and subtle lengths and make you feel as if you had the idea to choose their product, instead of the fact that they convinced you through media, public speaking and word of the mouth. while claiming that all the buyers (followers) are great and special people who will not need to have fear of a bad life because they bought the product (lies). And in saying that each follower/buyer is special and equal to them they are saying everyone is equal. This however, is completely hypocritical as each business has a structured chain of command. employees, supervisor, management bosses. general church goers, priests, bishops, cardinals and Popes.
