Unlike some writers and poets I can never grab on to any recurring theme, so you will find my works to be all over the place. Some ideas of what is to come:
Disturbance.
I am the mountain,the solid rock, the earth; I am impenetrable, a fortress; a god, I am blank, unemotional,my will implacable. no sight nor touch nor memory;I am alone.
Then it came; no, she came, She was stirring,beauty, emotion, happinessfreedomexcitement and disturbing all at once! She was an idea, a message that rushed right through me, The idea that,life was possible that I, beast of solitude could could have something I dared not think about, that I could fulfill my life with one cliched word:love.
Am now peaceful as i lay dying, the lover long dead; knowing I soon follow, staring at the long part between birth and death I impart to you,dear human:contentment is the greatest thing to achieve. That was one of my first attempts at writing that sort of work. The different styles are on purpose, if your wondering.
Hope for the future For the moment people like us simply have to continue living. Speaking about such despair shall bring nothing. But the knowledge that, if you could change one persons life for the better by spreading common sense,logic and wisdom could change your perception of this flawed,imperfect world for a long time.
I believe that all people have potential, and that it's the job of clever people to influence and shape it. I was once depressed at the pointlessness of man, but then I realizedersevere in life. Endure, who knows? it might be fun.
Contradiction Acrostic
I llogical
L oneley O ld V ile E ntrapment
Y uck O utrage U needed
AG3
A mbitious R iveting M edieval O n-going R oaring
G erbil A rousing M astery E lysian S uperabundance
3 ...ee
The Efan adventures in limerick style (more to come)
An Efan fell out a plane, his life going down the drain, he took a look down, saw the whole town, and found himself in pain.
An efan once went splat, scaring a poor rat, the rat flew high, afraid it might die, and flew into the arms of a cat.
Please post what you think and your ideas for improvements.
"Never underestimate a writers need for your opinion"
Let us dance you and I, 'cross the silver moon, for the time is almost nigh, to forever travel on. Never dieing, never resting. I wish we would. The eternal sleep;
the greatest journey...
.
I was never one for dancing. I was designed to take life, not to rejoice with it, move to it's beat. I am a god of bloodshed. I've squeezed the life out of so many but never held anyone. I am immortal, and never experienced life. So many run from my footsteps. But when you shunned me it tore me apart. When I gazed at you with longing, you gazed at me with contempt. And rightly so.
I am a god no one prays to. But against. Anger and violence feed me and I feel the rage growing. **** them. **** you.
The room was a dark grotty affair, one grimy window, one falling apart bed. Efan was the unrecognisable pile of orange fur on the ground, next to the bed. Without warning he sprang up with a start.
"CRAP! "I'm late". Efan grabbed his keys and shoved them into his pockets then pulled on his apron, the apron smearing his tousled fur with last nights vomit and spit. The floors gave their usual creak when he noticed a distinct lack of sound; namely the snoring from all the drunks he "forgot" to force out of the bar room. Efan went and stood behind his usual spot in the bar and waited. And waited. And - "CRASH"! A large red tennis ball broke through the window to his right and landed in he fire place. Having seen too many action movies, Efan soon recognised this as a grenade; or at least he did after the **** thing exploded.
When Efan regained consciousness his left ear heard screams followed by the sounds of deranged laughter. He wiped the grit from his eyes and staggered behind what was now half a bar and tried to make sense of the goings on. After regaining some strength from some nuts and a shot of whiskey he peered outside. The carnage wasn't hard to see as the entire street had been devastated by a lethal assault of mass destuction. There was group of soldiers at the edge of the street laughing, as Efan crept closer he thought: There is only one force that consists mostly of greasy, high pitched teens: NEWGROUNDS. Efan had known that the tension between Armor games and newgrounds had been high for a long time, but they were invading? Glaring at the "soldiers", Efan decided to teach those scrawny punks a lesson. For now more then ever, was a chance for Efan to be a hero, someone of recognition.
It was a total of twenty two minutes before Efan was ready, armed to the teeth in three Molotove cocktails and a medium sized bottle opener, he walked into the street and yelled, "Hey"! "suck on this losers"! Lit a cocktail and threw it, where it was shot out of the air by one of the teens. "Is that all you've got"!? Yelled one of them, showing of his pathetic cliche. "**** kids and their first person shooters"! Thought Efan as he fumbled with another one. As he did so, the newgrounds "soldiers" were wondering what to do. "I think we should shoot him Mikey"! said the youngest. "Shut up"! "You have to call me by my user name"! Said the eldest, a skinny lad that had clearly never held a weapon before. "Okay killer awesome dude, do you think we should shoot him"? A third one piped up: "but we've never shot anyone before"! "Well this is our chance"! "Come on"
"I'm sure I doused this cloth properly" Efan muttered as he tipped the bottle upside down."There we are" He looks up to see them surrounding him and trying to look menacing. With a cloud of smoke, a moving blur appears out of nowhere dishing out punches and kicks. Strop appeared with a stressed look upon his face surrounded by the moaning newgrounds soldiers "This isn't a good time to play hero, I need you to get as many people as you can to the Amusement Park."
WELL GOD DANG GOD DANG EFAN. You got busy right when I left Huh? While I can't give my descriptions of everything you wrote, I can say that I will be keeping tabs on everything you write from after this post. :P
Overall, I like most of what you write. Even though some are just your thoughts becoming rants, becoming reasons, I get it, or rather, where it comes from. So. Yeah.
As I walked down the winding path, tremors shivered throughout the earth, I had angered the gods and this was their wrath, the roars darken every hearth.
They demanded I beg, cry and plead, a lack of force showing the truth, I was man with destiny, ready to lead.
As I ran down that winding path, feirce joy took hold and I began to laugh, I had nothing to lose.
As I walked down the winding path, tremors shivered throughout the earth, I had angered the gods and this was their wrath, the roars darken every hearth.
Ok, here we go.
"tremors shivered" seems a bit redundant.
Ok, I know you went ABAB for the rhymes, but the rhyming seems kinda bad. It's like you wanted it to be all the same, but you didn't quite manage it.
Should it be "Their roars"? And 'earth' and 'hearth' don't rhyme either. But it doesn't sound particularly bad either.
They demanded I beg, cry and plead, a lack of force showing the truth, I was man with destiny, ready to lead.
The meter on this one isn't the greatest. Should it be 'I was a man with a destiny'?
'a lack of force showing the truth,'
This line seems kinda out of place. Do you mean that these 'gods' wanted you to be 'a lack of force showing the truth'? Maybe you should have a colon after the line, if that's what you meant.
And what is this 'truth'? Is it the fact that you're a 'man with destiny, ready to lead'?
It may be good to clarify some of these things in the poem, using punctuation to show two ideas that are connected.
As I ran down that winding path, feirce joy took hold and I began to laugh, I had nothing to lose.
I REALLY like how you used the first line again, just changed a line. It's pretty cool.
*fierce
'I had nothing to lose.'
Bad meter from the rest of the stanza. However it can work, as just a broken part of the poem to end it. Maybe you should use this stanza at the end of the poem, to bring someone back to the beginning again. Plus the part about laughing doesn't make much sense; Why would you be laughing?
The first two lines in the stanza have great meter together. _______________
Ok, so the meter throughout the poem is good. However, the switch from four lines to three is a bit jarring. I definitely like the content of the poem, it's very good. I really like it. And, yes, I know it's a work in progress.
Sorry for demolishing your poem. I kinda had to. So there you are.
IcyIndia, The wrecking ball for poems. I can see it now. lol jk. xD Take all of what Icy said, and think of it in my terms. That is basically what this post is about, but I won't waste time re wording it. So..... Yeah.
I don't think I can really be a wrecking ball for you. Not unless it rhymes.... Maybe not even that. You are a better poet than me, and it is like having a small bussiness owner telling Nike what they are doing wrong. It just doesn't work that way
