Unlike some writers and poets I can never grab on to any recurring theme, so you will find my works to be all over the place. Some ideas of what is to come:
Disturbance.
I am the mountain,the solid rock, the earth; I am impenetrable, a fortress; a god, I am blank, unemotional,my will implacable. no sight nor touch nor memory;I am alone.
Then it came; no, she came, She was stirring,beauty, emotion, happinessfreedomexcitement and disturbing all at once! She was an idea, a message that rushed right through me, The idea that,life was possible that I, beast of solitude could could have something I dared not think about, that I could fulfill my life with one cliched word:love.
Am now peaceful as i lay dying, the lover long dead; knowing I soon follow, staring at the long part between birth and death I impart to you,dear human:contentment is the greatest thing to achieve. That was one of my first attempts at writing that sort of work. The different styles are on purpose, if your wondering.
Hope for the future For the moment people like us simply have to continue living. Speaking about such despair shall bring nothing. But the knowledge that, if you could change one persons life for the better by spreading common sense,logic and wisdom could change your perception of this flawed,imperfect world for a long time.
I believe that all people have potential, and that it's the job of clever people to influence and shape it. I was once depressed at the pointlessness of man, but then I realizedersevere in life. Endure, who knows? it might be fun.
Contradiction Acrostic
I llogical
L oneley O ld V ile E ntrapment
Y uck O utrage U needed
AG3
A mbitious R iveting M edieval O n-going R oaring
G erbil A rousing M astery E lysian S uperabundance
3 ...ee
The Efan adventures in limerick style (more to come)
An Efan fell out a plane, his life going down the drain, he took a look down, saw the whole town, and found himself in pain.
An efan once went splat, scaring a poor rat, the rat flew high, afraid it might die, and flew into the arms of a cat.
Please post what you think and your ideas for improvements.
"Never underestimate a writers need for your opinion"
Efan, that post is confusing me. You have that first section in italics, then you have this:
That note. I honestly don't care whether whether it's read or not.
I'm confused as to how this relates to your next bit and if it does at all. And then you have more writing, and I don't know if the next part is a continuation of the first part or comments on the first section.
Anyway.
I really liked these. They were very sharp accounts of what the narrator is going through. The first one was describing a feeling, just raw anger. It showed this pure emotion, with only a vague explanation, leaving the rest up to the reader's imagination. I really liked this line:
By the time you read this i'll be gone. My entrails splattered all over the tiles, gore dripping down the walls.
It seems so..vivid. I can picture the scene perfectly in my head, with all the intensity it needs.
And the second part is great too. It's a bit more restrained, but it allows for more thought to be put into the writing and makes it a bit more articulate. It's a reflection on a decision and the self-sacrifice is ultimately decided against, since it would do no one any good.
I love every moment of this. The excitement and blood lust ripples through my body, veins coursing with adrenaline. I crouch behind the grassy hill, waiting for command. His hackles up, the pack leader gives a faint growl. We circle the prey. This prey was new to our territory. It stank of cooked meats and smoke from forest fires. This pink, delicious prey was seen more and more around these parts. This one had made a lot of noise disturbing the winter quiet, and my pack was hungry. It gasped in that pathetic way only the wounded could.
The signal! As one, the pack of wolves threw themselves onto the injured traveler tearing him to shreds, howling at the night. Later on, a group of young boys found the remains. The forensics only found A watch, a picture of a young family and a ring.
it is certainly late; Or early at 1:30 AM. How I feel: My skin is buzzing/tingly and feels ultra sensitive :P My eyes aresore, and begginning to feel heavy; particularly with th' whole eyelid jobby. My headis drooping from the monitor insistently, and my pillow looks like it's made of gold and ****in' rainbows. my breathing is shallower and i'm becoming forgetfull. I was watching horror movie on my brothers computer a few minutes ago with my brothers, aand what was meant to scare the **** outa us made us crack up laughing the whole time.
That bed looks lonely....
oh, and these seem lik ramblings, bu ther tomorrows note on a sleepy poem i wwrite tommorw. 2:5 AM now, good night peple.
I am the mountain,the solid rock, the earth. I am impenetrable, a fortress; a god, I am blank, unemotional,my will implacable. No sight nor touch nor memory;I am alone.
Then it came; no, she came, She was stirring,beauty, emotion; She was an idea, a message that rushed right through me, The idea that;life was possible. that I beast of solitude could could have something I dared not think about, that I could fulfill my life with one cliched word:love.
I am now peaceful as I lay dying, the lover long dead; knowing I soon follow, staring at the long part between birth and death I impart to you,dear human:contentment is the greatest thing to achieve.
Hmm...the grammar is still lacking in plenty of places in the form of missing spaces and semicolon overuse. It had some pretty relateable, timeless ideas in it, but I have the feeling it could have been much more powerful if the language could be tightened.
Oh the wolf, I hear him so, giving star-ved moans what he's hungry for, I don't know what.
When I first read it, I wasn't sure of the transition between the third and fourth lines. So maybe a bit more punctuation. Not just there, though, that was just the biggest concern of mine. Look at all the other stanzas to make sure they're good on that.
Apart from that, though, I liked it. I could easily see what the words were describing.
I haven't seen you submit to the Ten-Day contest yet, have you done so before?
I haven't seen you submit to the Ten-Day contest yet, have you done so before?
No but i'm considering it. That way someone has to judge me without me asking first
So maybe a bit more punctuation.
jeez! That was the first time I listened to everyone else and didn't have my piece overflowed with commas, semicolons etc. I just have to find the right balance.
When I first read it, I wasn't sure of the transition between the third and fourth lines.
I don't know how I feel. Am I supposed to? I feel dead inside; but what does death feel like? How would I know? I'm blind to the world; but is the world really there? What is a world? "I think therefore I am". What am I? Do you know? Do you exist? Are you me?
