I am going to post the poems ant etc I make here. A critique and feedback would be appreciated! The first one: It It lurks in the shadows; Hides from the light. So evil it turns meadows Into nothing more than a horrible sight!
Dark and grim, Gruesome and deadly It is horrid and turns everything dim!
Children please, promise me, That thee do not go Outside alone! It will shred you to pieces, Eat your insides, Drink your blood, And feast on thy!
As It is dark and grim, Gruesome and deadly, Turns everything depressing and dim.
You have reached a crossroads, Have a choice to make, What will it be?
Choose wrong and the Last thing we may hear from you Is a blood curdling shriek that pierces the night!
So promise me children that thee Do not go outside alone. For It is lurking, and waiting for YOU!
Hey, it may be good to make a space between your poems and the titles, or make the titles bold or something. I can't actually tell where the title stops and the poem starts. :P
I'm sorry that it has been a while. I have been really busy with school work and sports. I have edited my flawed Haiku *Yay!*, and made a more modern style ode.
~Edited Haiku:
Blooming Rain Tapping, tapping, tap. Rain comes and goes, ceasing not, Blooming life for you.
Now for the Ode~
Ode to a Dog Thanks to this animal whom brings me joy; Thanks to that dog that is there for me. Sitting there with his toy, Waiting to be loved is he. Little does he know what he does for me
His bark so strong and bold, His snarl protective in the middle of the night. This is his home and he will scare them cold; They who pose a threat may suffer his bite If they enter his home; You have been told! Thanks to that dog that is there for me.
Life would not be the same without him. Like a light forever dim, So dull and boring. Life-is-a-snoring. Thanks to this animal who brings me joy.
I wrote this following poem in a dark perspective as I did with It. I hope you like the Dark goodness! ;P
Eternal Pain Eternal dark is all I see, Oh how much do I want to be Free, happy and to see the light. Instead all I get is a painful bite.
The glass shatters and the Dark batters. Have I lost all hope? Np, the hope will not shatter. It will prevail and clear the dark; Shadows vanish and the cold will scatter.
Nothing can stop me as it Seems to be getting better now. Oh how do I long for the light! Alas, Be it my insanity or is the Dark bright?
So close, yet so far, my life almost par. The Dark be nothing more than shards. Shards of pain and shards of Hell. I shall lock the shards behind prison bars. For I have wont this game of cards! The Light is now mine, I hear the Bell.
But wait! It is the dark I hate; It is mercilessly dragging me down! I am being dragged down and I frown. I yell for help, yet no one is there. I don't know how much more I can bear.
I now begin to cry; For my Savior did not follow through, And I wave a painful good-bye To the world I will never know. It was so close, but in the end, I'm in eternal pain.
Perhaps a few lines could have been worded better, but for the most part you need to read them a certain way. Thank you very much for liking them though ------------
The Tear
The tear streaking my cheek Pierces a road of sorrow.
The pain swells, tearing me From inside-out.
His eyes no more than a misty haze Lost, looking for help. His dieing breath stinging my chilled flesh.
I attempt to calm my raging mind In vain, and I utterly break down.
I stare into his eyes; deeply searching the haze. I whisper in his ear, Enraged that he probably couldn't hear My plead to please don't leave me. For I'd be lost wreck without my best friend.
The tear now boils, Searing my skin, searing the road. My tear is now a raging inferno; I will avenge him, for me and his kin.
Bloody footprints will be all that is left Of his murderer. Nothing more, nothing less!
For I'd be a lost wreck without my best friend ~Fixed
The Tear
The tear streaking my cheek Pierces a road of sorrow.
The pain swells, tearing me From inside-out.
His eyes no more than a misty haze Lost, looking for help. His dieing breath stinging my chilled flesh.
I attempt to calm my raging mind In vain, and I utterly break down.
I stare into his eyes; deeply searching the haze. I whisper in his ear, Enraged that he probably couldn't hear My plead to please don't leave me. For I'd be a lost wreck without my best friend.
The tear now boils, Searing my skin, searing the road. My tear is now a raging inferno; I will avenge him, for me and his kin.
Bloody footprints will be all that is left Of his murderer. Nothing more, nothing less!
