Well hi there. As some of you may know, I had a previous writing thread. But I was so sick of reviving it, I had it locked. I would LOVE it if you gave me actual feedback, not just "lol I like it." That is a bummer. You have no idea, putting time and effort into something but just saying you like it. Tell me WHAT you liked about it. Or what you thought could be better.
Now. I'm not gonna beg or anything, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LET THIS THING DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! See? No begging.
Now. I will post all of my poetry shiitake from my old thread, so new people can have a looksie.
And I love everyone that told me to not give up. You know who you are, mah peeps. Sure it is torture looking back on what I wrote, but I really like poetry, so I'm gonna keep hoping I make something great.
Instead of reaching conclusions I find illusions Things that aren't real Misleading my mind This wasn't the deal. This isn't what I was supposed to find.
The dead body on the floor This wasn't the condition upon which we swore No one was supposed to get hurt You weren't to kill anyone How this situation I want to invert You weren't a hired gun.
Innocent and harmless Now because of your mistake we have to confess You blew the whole mission Don't blame me You put us in this condition How is this what I was to foresee?
Here is a tale Of a fallen hero. Thrown from his home, Family and friends He lays, crumpled on the ground. The corner of a forgotten dead end. He goes through his memories of his False fame and glory. The people that took the blame So he could be a hero in his own story. He caught the bad guys, Convicted evil doers. No one questioned the evidence. No one thought to look At what was inside Of our Hero's little black book. The lives of the 'evil' Were honestly innocent But they were played As our Hero's instrument. They took the fall, So he could appear good. Who would think to question What no one else would? Our Hero had a boy A good natured son Who would've thought He would be the one? To uncover the truths About his father. What was he thinking? Why did he bother? He saw the black book And read of the lives That were held inside. The boy went to the papers, And our Hero's fame reached it's end. No one adored him, Now that they knew what he did. The boy rose to the occasion As the first Hero fell. He would not lie so that people would praise him, He only promised this story to retell.
Instead of reaching conclusions I find illusions Things that aren't real Misleading my mind This wasn't the deal. This isn't what I was supposed to find.
The dead body on the floor This wasn't the condition upon which we swore No one was supposed to get hurt You weren't to kill anyone How this situation I want to invert You weren't a hired gun.
Innocent and harmless Now because of your mistake we have to confess You blew the whole mission Don't blame me You put us in this condition How is this what I was to foresee?
It is very meaningful, and very awesome :P I especially liked the first stanza, great job!
i didn't see anyone ELSE ask for permission. And since when were you Commander of All, Hmm?
They posted to critique her writing. You posted your own writing. If you want to do so then make your own thread about it instead of trying to post your writing in someone else's thread.
I'm not much of a critic, Moon. So I'll just read.
That tree by the lake Where the warrior went On his way home To rest As he sat on a bench. He thought of the battle. And his friends that he lost The atrocity of it all Such a horrid turn of events.
