Well hi there. As some of you may know, I had a previous writing thread. But I was so sick of reviving it, I had it locked. I would LOVE it if you gave me actual feedback, not just "lol I like it." That is a bummer. You have no idea, putting time and effort into something but just saying you like it. Tell me WHAT you liked about it. Or what you thought could be better.
Now. I'm not gonna beg or anything, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LET THIS THING DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! See? No begging.
Now. I will post all of my poetry shiitake from my old thread, so new people can have a looksie.
And I love everyone that told me to not give up. You know who you are, mah peeps. Sure it is torture looking back on what I wrote, but I really like poetry, so I'm gonna keep hoping I make something great.
Happy to have you! Okay, I will go on ahead and tell everyone now that this thread might be down for a bit until Tacky and I get a handle on this upcoming project, okay
They'll try to change you But don't fall for it. They'll make you like them. But it isn't right. They are afraid of Being different. They can't Understand it. Why are you afraid of What you can't see? Why do you have To get mad at me? I stand my ground I won't back down. Do what you want. I'm here for only A little while longer. I can take your crap. I don't need to be happy. Just a little while longer... I have this under control. _____
Yes, it is utter and complete crap. But it is what I'm feeling. And Writing helps get the emotions out.
So... I think I want to try and write out a little something... Pardon me if it fails on epic levels... Like they mostly do... >,<
The edge of the hills So far and vast Your journey is futile The hills... You could never make it past. Give up While you are still ahead Don't be brave Don't go on. You will never survive Without food Without water You will perish But go on this foolish journey. Ignore my advice. I will laugh when your bones are lost to the sands of time.
Pessimistic, but still nicely done. It references the archetype of the supposedly unattainable goal well, although, "I will...of time", seemed to be a bit choppy in correlation to the rest of the poem. Overall I liked it, reminds of those adventures with knights and dragons that occupied my time a few years back.
Can't you hear the bells? The children leave the schools. The people leave the church. The world wakes up, All is well. Can't you hear the bells? It is time for you to go. I can't leave with you, But I do hope that you know.
I would, If I could, But I can't.
Can't you hear the bells? I can hear them. Can't you? It is time for this to end. We both know what we have to do.
We met just as the bells started to ring. Too bad this couldn't of been our start. We both realize this is the beginning of our ending. I think I can let you go now. So why can't you?
Can't you hear the bells? The world is no longer A place for us to dwell. ____
