Well hi there. As some of you may know, I had a previous writing thread. But I was so sick of reviving it, I had it locked. I would LOVE it if you gave me actual feedback, not just "lol I like it." That is a bummer. You have no idea, putting time and effort into something but just saying you like it. Tell me WHAT you liked about it. Or what you thought could be better.
Now. I'm not gonna beg or anything, but PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE DON'T LET THIS THING DIE!!!!!!!!!!!! See? No begging.
Now. I will post all of my poetry shiitake from my old thread, so new people can have a looksie.
And I love everyone that told me to not give up. You know who you are, mah peeps. Sure it is torture looking back on what I wrote, but I really like poetry, so I'm gonna keep hoping I make something great.
Thank you for the feedback, but don't forget, GOING INTO DETAIL IS APPRECIATED BY ALL WRITERS AND POETS ALIKE. *hinthintnudgenudgewinkwink*
Work is surprisingly boring. You would think being at a skating rink on a Friday before spring break would bring a flood of people, but I guess they are waiting for tomorrow. I work that day too ,_ ,
So, not only am I thanking you all/ranting to you all, I will write to you all. Take in mind, this is my phone.. The results....*gulp* bear with me.
A picnic on a diving board Eating all the food That we could afford Simple dining While the sun was shining Is it possible That our hearts were aligning? You're here now Here for me I want to understand What do you see? It is more of an investigation Because people run When they see my reputation. I love it that you stick around You know what to say It is so profound I thought I would drive you away And I tried very hard But the evil I do You just disregard.
A picnic on the diving board I don't deserve you as a reward.
First three pages: Nice work, a little clumsy on a couple of lines, depressing. You can read the first three poems as one and it works. Page four: WTF Tacky.......? Page five: Nice work, inspiring.
I'm afraid To write the words that I wish. I'm afraid To have that feeling of bliss. The fall can only get higher The pain is unbearable But at least it can inspire...
It is really short, but the emotion I use to write is getting sapped out of me..
Walking out to war The new feel of those Shiny hard helmets Gotta have dry socks Have to blend in
A bomb goes off In the distance Men go down My brother Along with them They held me back From saving you They kept me from From keeping you alive Why did it have to be you And not I?
Our parents will never see you again Never hear your laugh Just the memories. The good were few The bad were many I should of changed that I could've.
But I didn't.
It is my fault And I know you would say otherwise But I was supposed to be in your squad, Your place. I sent you to your demise. Unknowingly.
I'm afraid To write the words that I wish. I'm afraid To have that feeling of bliss. The fall can only get higher The pain is unbearable But at least it can inspire...
I think this poem is really interesting. You say you're afraid to write the words, and the poem length itself is shorter than your others. Very symbolic. I love it.
Gotta have dry socks
I love this line. It's so different from the rest of the poem. It sort of reminds you that soldiers are ordinary people as well.
The last two stanzas almost made me cry. Not even exaggerating. :'
Walking out to war The new feel of those Shiny hard helmets Gotta have dry socks Have to blend in
A bomb goes off In the distance Men go down My brother Along with them They held me back From saving you They kept me from From keeping you alive Why did it have to be you And not I?
Our parents will never see you again Never hear your laugh Just the memories. The good were few The bad were many I should of changed that I could've.
But I didn't.
It is my fault And I know you would say otherwise But I was supposed to be in your squad, Your place. I sent you to your demise. Unknowingly.
I'm so sorry. So sorry.
My Sandwich God Moon, sheer brilliance. So touching, and so thoughtful; a true work of art. The last two stanzas really hit home, the raw, powerful emotion obliterates the readers mind.
It sort of reminded me of one of my poems, and one of my friends accounts. Death of a loved one in both my poem and my friends account. I believe it was my "Tear" that conveyed a death of a best friend, and a brother is basically the same.
I'm debating on following suit by writing a small short story. I dunno... If I should make it kind of happy, or sad. *sigh*
For those of you that don't know, and I do hope Tacky doesn't care about releasing this tid-bit of info, But we are more than likely going to go through with this collaboration. It is thought to be a story of what all happens in the Wonderful World of all that is ArmorGames, in which I do believe that we will be adding many members in. Kind of like the WoM, but without the.. history. xD
cool. I hope im in it.. but im not that popular. And about the poem that you wrote, (above) i have to agree with Supa. Its legit and it sounds like you put alot of emotion into it. Kind of puts me in a mood to play some call od duty With the story, i think it should be a sad one. i dunno but sad stories seem to have lots of emotion and tend to make the readers cry, or be angry., ect. sets them in a mood. YOu have written some great poetry, i have to admit and i want you to read one of my poems cuz i want to think what you think about it. YOur like a critic, i guess. My poems are under faunbards collection, its like on page 2 or 3. thnks
Okie day! By the way, I wouldn't mind it you checked out mah poetry while you are at it (shameless bumping) Also, if you want to be in it, you might want to add in a little bit about yourself, Might I direct you to either my or tacky's profile, we might make a thread out of this for official entries if this gains popularity. An official entry form is in the making! Be ready!
