Forums → Art, Music, and Writing → [req]MoonFairy's Metrophobia - A lesson in contradictions

Okay. Somebody. Anybody. Pick one and choose or something I just really want feedback on this stuff. Just tell me what you think, or what could be better, SOMETHING. ANYTHING.
Please, I'm begging you... -.-

The star shines alone,
The light is blinding.
But beautiful.
Then I noticed the others around it.
All just as amazing,
Yet they shine on their own.
Together, but seperate.
Breathtaking.

Staring into the Night
I see
How amazing dark can be.

Stars are glistening
People asleep
Looking into the water
You can't tell how deep

All is quiet
You are alone
To ponder the thoughts
Of places unknown

Streaks of soft light begin to show
Light clouds caress the sky
The night begins to fade, although
You will see such beauty when the day says good bye

Starcutie, I don't even know at this point. I'm thinking about locking mine, it is beyond worthless right now.
But maybe for you, you should just ask around for people to look at it. Like on profiles, They might answer you.
Unlike the people I asked..
-_-

Yeah so, I'm gonna give this probably till I get back from vacation. If it goes to back to page three, I'm getting it locked. At least I archived 'em.

The only reason mine doesn't go back that far is because I constantly update it

So..... Many..... Walls..... Of..... Text.....
Head..... So..... Full.....
Room..... Spinning..... Around..... Me.....
Moon..... Is..... Pissed.....
That..... Isn't..... Good.....
Must..... Appease..... Her.....
Alas..... Only..... Words..... Are..... Hers.....
Can't..... Think.....
Only..... Sit..... In..... Awe.....
Emotions..... Run..... Wild.....
Deppression.....
Fear.....
Amazement......
Humor.....
All..... Too..... Much.....
It..... Fills..... Me.....
All..... I..... Can..... Say.....
Is.....
Thank You.


*round of applause*

Amazing job, Moon. I love your poetry, so vivid and moving.
Please don't stop writing them, just please tell me when you do.

Holymotherofeffingtreeswhattehheckwasyouthinkingwhenyou....

Dragon. You are seriously special, to have gone through and read all of that.
Must appease me? You have by far gone past all of my expectations, Dragon. I didn't even think anyone would even look at this, most people don't. So for you to go through... and read it all... hell I wouldn't even do that.

Thank you. And I'm going to be so very incredibly sorry if I come back and I have to get it locked... I'm not going back on my word though... I will never stop writing, I think I might explode if I did. But it would be like in a private journal or something if I get this locked. :/

I don't think I can thank you enough, all I wanted was for one person to read one or two of my poems... and you went through about 50.
Thank you...

Anything for you, Moon.

Wow. I find it amazing that you copied all of these and put them here. And...these are awesome. Simply wonderful.

I love how you go through different emotions. Some happy, some sad.

You're also really good at rhyming-- I usually find it very difficult to rhyme.

But yeah...This is just spectacular. I haven't read them all through yet, but I'm going to.

It's all awesome, Moon.

WHY DID YOU RESPOND ON THIS DAY?!?!?!?! WHY DIDN'T YOU DO IT THE DAY THAT I LEFT FOR MEXICO?!?!?!?!? Now I can't get it locked... I said I would get it locked if it went on page 3... DARN YOU ICEE.

And rhyming is fun. I was the little kid that sang made up songs about anything I saw.
:3
'tis fun. And really easy.

Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaank you. I really do appreciate it.
*whispers* Spread the word, bro.

Why is this getting locked, for the second time at that?

Nice, good range from serious to incredibly silly.

*cough*Iwillnothidemypets*cough*

The piece with the dog being hit by a car reminded me indirectly of Old Yeller. TT

Moon, are you going to keep writing? I really miss your work.

I'm here, but I was kind of wanting this to die... I might scribble something up just to appease you guys. Yall are really wanting my work.. sheesh.

I'll probably post something in a bit. Don't hold your breath, though.

I'm glad no one held their breath. Not so glad no one bothered to look, though...

Spinning on the edge of the glass
Not caring if I fall,
Just how long this will last

Dancing around and around again
Strange rhythm and beat
Keep time time within

Jumping up
And falling down
The time spent is time enough

So I spin of the edge of the glass
I'm happy that what it was
Had time to last

I dance in the air as I fall down
Spinning and twirling
Around and around

Counting the seconds that I have
I go through every memory
Mad, sad, and glad.

Many times my heart did break
Crushed my soul
But it was never too late

I didn't give up, I tried again
Found that same strange rhythm
Keeping time within

And now I leave with a grin
No matter what could've been.

I really hate that third one... I might edit it later.
Off*,in the fourth one.

I could really use somemhelp in determining the rhythm of this one, ironically.

So glad to see you posting another poem.